Grammar as Foreplay? 01/17/2013

I think of myself as a worldly woman, but I heard about something a couple of weeks ago that was entirely new to me: grammar fetishes. Apparently, some people find themselves sexually excited when their partners talk like a thesaurus, or they become aroused when their grammar is corrected, or when they correct the grammar of others, in a stern manner.

Huh. Really? ‘Cause … huh.

I can’t help but imagine what that would look like.

“Okay. Tonight, you be Yoda and I’ll be the head of the Intergalactic Council for Proper Sentence Construction.”

“A safe word, you will give me.”

I firmly believe that as long as no one is hurt who doesn’t want to be, any type of sexual expression is a good thing. But I can’t imagine getting into this particular form of expression myself. When my husband whispers sweet nothings to me, I would rather those sweet nothings be something other than “antidisestablishmentarianist,” or “brobdingnagian.” And when people correct my grammar, I don’t get aroused, I get annoyed.

I may, however, solidly land in this camp because of the one grammar rule to which I insist my lovers adhere: It’s “she and I” not “me and her.” The other person always comes first.